Praise lets people know that they are respected, appreciated and that their efforts are noticed in a positive way. Praise has the power to actually changes people's brain chemistry. Studies have shown that when we are praised we experience a release of dopamine in the brain. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that causes a host of pleasant feelings including joy, satisfaction, well-being and even pride. This rush of positive feelings explains why people are so motivated by praise.
Make It Meaningful
Make praise meaningful by being specific. After you have been married a few years, you already know the things your spouse likes about you. Because of this familiarity, it is important to tie praise to the specific situation. For example, one time my husband and I were taking the family on a bike outing. We had to transport 6 people and 6 bikes to the trail. Our bike rack only had room for 4 bikes. Somehow Loftlon found a way to make it all fit.
This was an achievement that I wanted to recognize. Loftlon already knew that I thought he had amazing spatial intelligence so I said, "Wow, I can't believe you managed to get all the bikes, helmets and snacks loaded while still having seat belts for all of us. We are so lucky to have a person with your gift for spatial organization in our family. How did you come up with this idea for putting the bikes in like that?"
Get Creative
Not everyone enjoys being praised verbally. Sometimes the attention leaves them embarrassed. Many people prefer the quite praise that comes in non-verbal ways. Praise can be given thru visual, physical and digital formats.
Get Physical
As a society there are certain physical actions which indicate approval and appreciation. When we clap and cheer at the end of a show, we are praising the performers for their work and expressing our appreciation for the entertainment we have received. In a quieter more informal setting, we often give praise with a pat on the back or a thumbs up. Physical praise goes a long way with people who are shy or get embarrassed with more formal types of praise.
Go Digital
In the digital age we have many opportunities to give praise thru digital channels. We can send a text or a picture or a celebratory meme. We even have the ability to post positive praise on social media. Some people highly value privacy, so check with your spouse before posting things that are personal in nature.
Celebrate
In America we have several days each year dedicated to celebrating the significant people in our lives. Take the opportunities given to you by birthdays, Valentine's Day, anniversaries, Mother's Day and Father's Day to celebrate your spouse. Give your partner a visual token and tell them how they knocked it out of the park this year as an individual, lover, and parent. Use specific examples to make a big impact. "You are an amazing Dad, you really wowed me with how much time you have spent teaching our son to play basketball this year." Start a digital document on your phone and take notes when you see your spouse doing something amazing throughout the year, so you are prepared when the next celebration rolls around.
Give Gifts
We all love to see our achievements made visual. Awards, diplomas, medals and trophies are all visual tokens of praise. We can praise our partners by creating custom items that celebrate the big and little achievements in their lives. Let your budget and your spouses preferences guide you. Homemade or repurposed awards can work well. Some ideas for gifts might be engraved cups, flowers, collectables, jewelry or cards. I know a man who buys and installs plants for his wife in the yard because that is what she likes and she can enjoy them over and over again.
Be Aware Of What You Broadcast
What I tell others about my spouse impacts how I feel about him and our marriage. Other people do not know my husband the way I know him. What I choose tell other people about him and our marriage is like a public service announcement. If I am constantly complaining about him or belittling him, I will feel less "in love" with him. When I choose to focus on his strengths, I feel more love for him. The things we chose to focus on sharing become more important in our minds and hearts.
People (especially women) like to discuss their relationships with their friends. Sometimes we end up competing to see who can tell the most intense story about their relationship or their partner. It is easy to get sucked in, but you can choose to share how great your partner is, instead of how terrible. Public praise keeps your focus on why you love your spouse, and lets the world know that you think he or she is amazing.
Such good Advice!
Love the post!