You Don’t Have To Shout To Be Heard

Yelling can be defined as speaking with an increase in volume and emotional intensity. It is the easiest and most convenient way to get someone's attention from far away. It is an effective way to warn someone of impending disaster. If we only yell to get our children's attention or to warn them of danger, it is very effective. Children are naturally drawn to new sounds. If yelling is used sparingly, it is an unusual sound and they will quickly attend. If your child is about to step into traffic and you are too far away to grab them, your raised voice can alert them to the danger.

If you rarely yell, your children are not use to seeing you in that sort of emotional turmoil.  Their brains will be so busy processing your new facial expressions, strained voice, and wild hand movements, that their brain will have very little capacity left to understand your words.  When people are agitated, it is natural to speak more rapidly and to use words that are not in children's vocabulary.  The more you yell, the less your child understands.

If you regularly yell at your kids, your child will begin to see this behavior as normal. The human ear is made to adjust to loud repetitive sounds. This is why, after awhile, you don't hear the refrigerator click on. Your children's brains will begin to tune you out. You will have to yell louder and louder to get the same results.

I choose not to yell at my children as a means of correction.  Don't get me wrong with 3 teenagers and one tween, I am often tempted. I try to avoid yelling for one simple reason, even though it might let me vent my frustration, it doesn't work to change behavior.

I try to use yelling for only two purposes, gaining attention and giving warning.  I don't like running around looking for my children.  For this reason, I have taught my children that if I call their name, they need to come find me.   I do not give instructions from afar.  I wait until we are both close and within easy listening distance before giving additional instructions.  This leads to less confusion and better compliance.

I will also yell to give warning.  If I see my child about to burn themselves on a hot pan, I will yell their name and the word stop.  If they hear their name followed by the word stop, they know to freeze as they are about to hurt themselves or break something. They will stand still and look at me as they wait to receive further instructions on how to proceed.

As a mom there are many times where I need my children's attention to convey critical information. There are several techniques you can use to increase intensity and convey urgency without yelling. To enhance attention and understanding, I make sure I am looking in their eyes and that I am touching them in a firm but friendly manner. Then, even if my heart is pounding, I will attempt to deliver needed information in a calm but focused manner. If the experience was too close for comfort, and I am visibly disturbed (hands shaking or tears falling), I will tell my children what I am feeling.

"I'm sorry I'm upset, I got scared when I saw you trying to use the electric knife without permission or instruction. This tool can be very dangerous and is only for grown ups to use. It is very easy to cut yourself when used the wrong way."

Parents are the most important people in a child's life. Their safety and security is based on a parent's love and affection. When Moms and Dads yell at a kid they bring this relationship into question. To lose the love of a parent is the most stressful thing that could happen to a child. Children do not learn well when they are emotionally stressed. For this reason save yelling for getting attention and giving warnings. When you need to correct or train your child, there are better ways to get the message across.